So where were you? (Part 2)
...I simply kept staring at him. What did he mean? We were neither in the midst of any war…nor under threat of any kind of natural calamities. Then what did he mean? I wanted an explanation, so I asked him. He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders; then slowly; as if he was about to reveal a secret to me; he said ‘you deserve to die’. The world will kill you soon…because you don’t know how to survive. Not expecting this kind of behavior from him, I almost felt like a lost child. My eyes moist, my legs trembling, and my heart beating faster…I ran out of his house. He is my friend, my heart kept repeating…
Three years later, one evening I sat in front of the window of my rented one room flat, and reflected through the moments of my life. I have searched a lot for that ‘good post’ that I deserved, but never found it. They offered me some chance but with my dignity I could not accept them. The result was that neither could I marry nor take care of my parents…I noticed two boys walking along the footpath; and I remembered that I had a best friend once. And he had left me once to pursue his dream job in a foreign country. We were roomies then; we both had honours in chemistry. He had applied to those foreign companies and asked me to do the same. But I didn’t want to leave my parents and my country. I knew I would get a better job here. He tried hard and one day he left; forgetting the vows that we had taken in our school life…‘we would never desert each other’.
Now my parents have lost all their hopes…in me. My dream has lost its power to act; and I often remember that ‘friend’ who once told me that I deserved to die. I had recently read his interview in a newspaper…two of his films received prestigious awards. I did not realize then but now I know what he meant, when he said the world can kill someone. The world has killed me. My weapons are lost; and I have no one to complain. And as soon as I realized this I decided something.
Perhaps I am lost in an important battle, but there is something in which there is no question of losing. I have always won in that field. I got up from the chair and pulled out the type writer from under the table and began to write; my manuscripts would never be published but no one can take away my satisfaction. I was busy in the real world trying to make my life but found the best offer in a parallel world:
"I might die at this moment...because this is the moment of truth,
On second thought, I might live in this moment...because this is the moment of truth."
Three years later, one evening I sat in front of the window of my rented one room flat, and reflected through the moments of my life. I have searched a lot for that ‘good post’ that I deserved, but never found it. They offered me some chance but with my dignity I could not accept them. The result was that neither could I marry nor take care of my parents…I noticed two boys walking along the footpath; and I remembered that I had a best friend once. And he had left me once to pursue his dream job in a foreign country. We were roomies then; we both had honours in chemistry. He had applied to those foreign companies and asked me to do the same. But I didn’t want to leave my parents and my country. I knew I would get a better job here. He tried hard and one day he left; forgetting the vows that we had taken in our school life…‘we would never desert each other’.
Now my parents have lost all their hopes…in me. My dream has lost its power to act; and I often remember that ‘friend’ who once told me that I deserved to die. I had recently read his interview in a newspaper…two of his films received prestigious awards. I did not realize then but now I know what he meant, when he said the world can kill someone. The world has killed me. My weapons are lost; and I have no one to complain. And as soon as I realized this I decided something.
Perhaps I am lost in an important battle, but there is something in which there is no question of losing. I have always won in that field. I got up from the chair and pulled out the type writer from under the table and began to write; my manuscripts would never be published but no one can take away my satisfaction. I was busy in the real world trying to make my life but found the best offer in a parallel world:
"I might die at this moment...because this is the moment of truth,
On second thought, I might live in this moment...because this is the moment of truth."
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