You & Me...

Now I know how you felt when he left you. You said he didn't betray you, but had to go. I laughed behind you. I wasn't mocking at you but I could not accept that statement from a broken-heart: “He had to leave; perhaps he had no choice… I still love him.” I noticed the stream of tears; I wanted to protect you but you said you needed no one and it was amazing how you controlled your emotions! (I have seen my friends cursing their boy friends after breakups!!). But I didn’t realize, how much you needed me beside you. I am sorry; I thought you were in no pain. I thought ‘that phase’ in your life was of no importance. I thought it was common to have one or two heartbreaks. I was young and I didn’t believe in love. You did; now I know it…

I wonder how you are now; you left all of us in search of peace. I laughed with X and Y, but I was never againgst your decision. (I did not realize that, all of us are born-weak!) Sometimes I wanted to discuss about life with you, but your philosophical views forced me to change my mind. Why did you change and become so different? Once I met your ex-boyfriend; I never dared to tell you. But I have always wondered ‘how was he not bothered?’ I saw him with his new girlfriend; he told me ‘life moves on’. Why couldn’t you become matured like him? I found you funny and illogical, but I have always cared for you. One day you left dad and me. And in the following year I fell in love…

I felt you couldn’t handle the ‘steering of your love life’. “Look,” I wanted to say, “how successful I am.” But you were far away, building your career. I was happy; very happy. I never thought about you, when I was with her. And four years later, I understood how you had felt! She left me without saying anything. Why? I still have no answers; but I love her and I’m sure she had no other options… I miss you sister (but I never dare to write to you…). I know philosophy now; and I know that humans are ‘gifted  with the power to endure.’ I don’t need anyone to sob for me; I hate pity and sympathy. I notice my friends laughing at my wish ‘not to fall in love again’. They think I am immature and cannot accept the fact that ‘life has to go on.’ I don’t want to tell them that I know better than them. (And I know that one day all of them will learn the truth of life…)

Sometimes we make a wrong choice, and sometimes a correct choice turns out to be wrong due to circumstances. I’ve realized, this is life and so ‘one should not blame anyone.’ We have always seen dad suffering after mother’s sudden death. He loved her; but I never felt his ‘pain’ before. Now I do; and I want to confess that ‘now, I know how you had felt, when your love had left you…’